Starting over
Well hello there! Long time no chat… the last time I posted anything on this website was nearly 5 years ago. I could have thrown my hands in the air and not renewed our domain name or website hosting. But rather, I’ve decided to start over. This seems to be a re-occurring theme as of late. Starting over the blog. Starting over my career. Starting over with my fitness. Starting over with my plans and goals. Perhaps you’re starting something over too? It can be intimidating and fearful. Sometimes we want to start over but don’t know where to start. You don’t need to wait until New Years, the first of the next month or Monday. Start now, start where you are.
I have been fearful but started reflecting; I’ve started over many times before in my life… when I moved from my home province (leaving behind my parents in 1995), when I left my marriage of 18 years, when I changed careers… and guess what? I survived! And each time I’ve started over, something good has come from the change in direction. And you know what else, it doesn’t have to always be big changes. Every new sunrise is a chance to start over. The way I see it, as long as you’re on top of the dirt (opposed to 6 feet under it), it’s not too late to start over.
A lot has changed in five years and I can’t wait to catch you up!
For starters, we became empty nesters. We now have 3 (almost 4) grandchildren. Shane has changed careers; he is now an instructor, teaching both semi-truck and motorcycle licensing. We’re still farming but the farm has grown. At the time of publishing this post, we have 34 ewes. This years lambing will take us to my goal of 50. We also have more cows and added a horse. The farm has changed. Fences and pens have been moved and added. I closed down the market garden. I had gone back to corporate life for a few years (in 2021) and left it again this past June. Maybe it is a mid-life crisis but I just couldn’t do it any longer. It wasn’t me. The stress was making me sick and some blood work in May confirmed that if I didn’t make some radical changes, I was headed towards a bumpy path. I read somewhere recently that 25% of women will quit their jobs during peri-menopause. I hate being a statistic. But one must do what’s best for oneself and family. Life is short folks.
So what am I doing now? I spent the summer farming. I did the majority of the haying. We made over 1000 bales. I gardened 10,000 sq ft and preserved the harvest. Needless to say, life was busy right up until the middle of November. Then I started prepping for Christmas and working my way through the many unfinished projects I had around the house, some that were started years ago. My mind and body have been changing as well. I’m learning how to slow down and to use deep winter for rest and healing. And I’m thinking about what’s next. This is the starting over part… I am starting a plant nursery, learning to propagate and holding a seedling sale this spring. We’re looking at expanding our meat sales as well. There is a real need for good quality and affordable options. As well as a few other ideas. Remember, I’m a dreamer… coming up with ideas is easy for me. It’s the executing them that stumps me. HA! And of course, starting over with this blog.
Oftentimes we allow fear to hold us back. What if I put myself out there and I get hate comments? Who would want to read what I have to say? What if I can’t manage it? What if I disappoint people? I don’t know enough! Yikes. Scary stuff. This is where we must “feel the fear but do it anyway”. Everyone has fear. It’s normal and it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. I think we tend to be too hard on ourselves. If we make a mistake, we tend to remember all the previous mistakes we have made rather than giving ourselves grace. What if we spoke to ourselves the way we would speak to a friend. What encouragement would you give her if she told you she wanted to start something new? Now do that for you. Talk to your spouse, your mother, your best friend. Pray or meditate on it. Remember, you are here to learn and experience life, not sit by and watch life pass you by. It’s ok to be afraid to start over.
I remember a time when the kids were young, my husband was working away during the week so it was just me and the kids. We were having one of those mornings where nothing was going well. Everyone was crabby and bickering. So I marched everyone back to bed and told them we’re going to start this day over. While the kids thought it was hilarious, it was a perfect example of how starting over can be simple. We tend to over complicate it.
So it’s February 10th and you’ve already fallen off your new diet/workout plan. Don’t throw it all away, just start over. Found your relationship in a bit of a rut, start over. No, I don’t mean get a new relationship. I mean; date your partner, start a new routine, try something new. Had an argument with a friend. Start over by telling them “I’m sorry, can we start over”. Your garden wasn’t as stellar as you would have liked, guess what? Every spring you get to start over. Find your career is soul sucking? Start over. Yes, it is that simple. Notice I didn’t say it is easy. And remember, when we start over, it doesn’t mean we have failed. It means we have learned and grown. Which makes us human. What do you want to start over?